My Crazy Life

Purity

2009-06-07T23:59:00.001+03:00

Diamonds and coal , what a contradiction , but they are both made of the same one element that occupies the 6th place in the periodic table , its considered to be one of the most abundant element in the whole universe , Carbon it is . However , it is all due to simple laws of physics that make the huge difference between the two compounds , and it is why one is priceless and the other is worthless , it is why we like to posses one and repel the other , its why we cherish the sparkling of one and depreciate the incineration of the other . Thus , no one consider himself unlucky for having a diamond , and no one consider himself lucky for having a piece of charcoal .

This contradiction exists in the same manner between humans . Just by looking around , you will find yourself surrounded by lots of people , most of them doesn’t deserve any time to be wasted on , but few – and only few - are precious and worth fighting for , those are the diamonds we should be searching & treasuring !

Despite my lust and crave for diamonds , I have reached a phase where I couldn’t care less for collecting more to add to my treasure box , although I have not so many . In one stage of life , it starts to get difficult to make new friends , at which we have a list of different concerns and interests in which bothering to establish new friendships is not listed ! Whether it was fate or luck , no matter which , some times we are blessed with diamonds that fall from the sky just right into our treasure box , thats for which we should be thankful and grateful !

Some people are real diamonds ! They are pure & sparkling ; spreading their charm everywhere , adding new meanings of joy , changing the definition of tedious moments , coloring the smiles on our faces , shining with their brightness our path , & planting hope into our souls .
Feeling lucky for having a pure diamond added to my collection !

Inspired by T.Z.

The Spark

2009-03-21T00:49:00.001+02:00

Can we blame the person who lit the spark !
Everyone has his own problems that keep him awake all night thinking , and keep him away from functioning properly with others .

But if we just rewind the whole scenario of events that led to this shity situation , usually we find a very tiny small thing that if was avoided from the very first beginning could have saved us excessive neuronal firing in our limbic system !

However ; once we get there , we will either start bewailing & regretting fate that opened the door for that offender to sneak into our lives , or we will start condoling and convincing ourselves that it wasn't worth all the mess from the start .

That trivial event represents a spark , which is all what is needed for a chain of reactions to take place leading to a major life event .

But logically speaking , we might start wondering if we are justified to put all of our rage and blame that event ! Is it really the spark ? Or maybe its just fate that created & provided all the needed surrounding factors and arranged it perfectly to be there in the same time and exact place for a certain thing to happen ! Or is it us , who decide to respond in a way and behave in such a manner that contributes to the final event .

Well , what I am really sure of is that sometimes we are forced to get into a train , where we can't stop or get off until it reaches its final station . In such scenarios we don’t have much to do or say , and its going to be totally foolish to blame the person who built the railroad , but the person who pushed you to get in ...... Mmmmm , maybe you want to reconsider the whole thing from there !

People = Shit

2009-02-23T01:35:00.003+02:00

The new series
Coming soon

Anesthetics

2008-12-14T22:58:00.002+02:00

In medicine we learned to treat causes not symptoms , and this what makes the difference between a good & a bad doctor , but sometimes we are impelled to deal with the symptoms first , either to gain more time with a nagging patient till we reach a diagnosis , or to relieve the patient’s annoying complain which in the first place is part of the management!

But what would incompetent doctors do , is starting to treat the symptoms without trying to relate them to a cause that would provide a good explanation for what is going around ; in order to target the management toward the underlying cause!

Sometimes in real life we - ourselves - are incompetent doctors ! Bing a human being living on earth , you will be having an extreme continuous susceptibility to find yourself in the middle of trouble . And by our nature , an urge to dismiss yourself from such situations rises , to reach a stress-free life.

Our ways to attain this goal differ according to the situation ,the size of the problem , & our competency . Some would be targeted directly against the cause , which would terminate the whole process forever , others are considered to be half solutions . Some other trials are not even solutions , they are just some ....... anesthetics ! Anesthetics that are used to numb our feelings , and as soon as its duration of action falls , you will start complaining and feeling the pain once more again , because you had never reached the cause of pain.

In life we always do that , we always lean on people who could get us joy , maybe by them just being around , and we do that to escape our fears , to detour away from our problems …….. or maybe to numb our feelings.

But the biggest disappointment & the time when it hurts the most , is the time when you reach to your anesthetics and you find NONE.

Coldness

2008-11-09T23:01:00.003+02:00

Either a 100% or its a Failure

2008-06-22T14:14:00.000+03:00

Inspired by the Fun Day at the SOS yesterday

I know myself to be hardly satisfied and pleased in so many ways , and I have this general rule to judge myself , before applying it to people . Actually I don't care much about judging people , and if I do so , I like my opinion to be heard and listened to , and to be recognized as an advice not as criticism to point out someone's mistakes and thats it !

Back to the rule , it says " Its either a 100% success or its a failure " Well , I know perfection is impossible here on earth , so I ll be ok with a 90% .

Its difficult to have a single scale to measure success with , since everyone would have his own definition ; for me I like to be harsh on myself and take the bumpy way in judging my work , behavior , attitude , & personality . I like my work to be mistake-free , although it is some how impossible ! And it is like never going to happen , since I am too human .

Anyways , to be honest with you , I get annoyed and stung deep in the heart when someone starts pointing out my mistakes , not that I take things personally , but because I missed again , I screwed up again , or lets say I FAILED again . A mistake making more than 10% for me is a TOTAL FAILURE .

Despite the hassle and the bothersome feeling I ll be in , I get excited , agitated , and even turned on to listen to my mistakes and to know where did I screw up . And to the records , I consider this to be my best part , because I believe its the key for perfection . The reason for that , that I start looking to the future , imagining myself in the same situation again , trying to come up with ideas to avoid doing these mistakes again , to reach perfection / success , and live happily ever after , H3 !

Echo

2008-06-16T16:22:00.002+03:00

I could save myself lots of trouble , if I could just listen to myself !

The problem is that you could have the ability to give advices , look at things from different angles , and offer lots of help to others ; but when it comes to yourself , your situation & problems , you stand there incapable of giving yourself the right advice , or even you cant think about he whole issue in a proper way ! Still , the worst happens when you cant just REPEAT what you used to say to others !

The Pioneer

2008-05-26T22:04:00.004+03:00

Last Sunday , at around 6:00 PM , was declared the first day of a new era for the Naji's , the beginning of a new generation started when my brother - and all of us - were blessed with a cute little angel .

Iman the pioneer , the name that she will be called for the rest of her life !
Allah ye7meeha ya rab o ybarek feeha :)

With No Respect

2008-05-17T15:00:00.000+03:00

Recently , doctors demand patients who seek medical help to show some respect ! But the big contrary is to ask people to show some respect when your " administrators " show nothing but contempt & discourtesy !

Standing behind the " triage " counter talking to a patient , I was hearing someone screaming somewhere among the people standing around , I really didn't bother , because i was already swamped ! I went to examine a patient , when the mad guy stood in front of me and started screaming

Mad guy : Who is in charge here
Cool guy (ME) : Dr Iman is
Mad guy : where is she ?
Cool guy (ME again) : she have just gone out , what is your problem ?
Mad guy : This patient went in and out and no body saw her !!! ...... And who are you ?
Cool guy (ME) : I am dr Dar , an intern
Mad guy " Be kol waq7a " in a way full of arrogance , he hold my badge to look at it , " o raja3ha be tareeqa awqa7 " and return it back in way full of disgust !
Cool guy (Me en7arag rasi ) : I stood for a moment then said in angry tone , where is the patient
Patient : Yes , thats me
Cool guy (acting pissed) : Did you enter this room before ??
Patient : No we didn't
Crowd (looking at the Mad guy)
Cool guy : OK ! Go there and have a seat and I ll check on you in a moment
Cool guy (turning to the Mad guy) : And who are you ?
Mad guy (lifting his badge up quickly giving me no chance to see it) : I am like you , a member in this Hospital
Cool guy (in a challenging tone) : Well you don't have the right to scream in front of patient , and you don't even have the right TO TOUCH MY BADGE !

To be continued ..............

After he got out , the head of the emergency department dropped by to see what happened ! After we talked , I told him " whoever that guy was , I wont care , no one have the right to do what he did "

By the way , that guy turned out to be something in the administration office !

HOW DEPRESSING !!!

It used to be a long way

2008-04-09T19:53:00.001+03:00

On the way back from uni , it has been a long GOOD time

Soon we will strike for good

2008-04-03T23:10:00.000+03:00

Standing at the nurse station doing some paper work , when a middle-age lady approached me and asked
She : Is doctor batee5 here ?
I : No he is not here !
She : Tab where is he
I : I don't know check for him at the residents room
She : ~ in an angry tone ~ Ma hala2 kont honak bedi adalni ray7a jai ana " I have just been there , I don't want to keep going back an forth "

What the hell !

I have spent 7 years having my ass kicked every day , having my sympathetic system to be exploited , abandoning lots of the things I used to do , doing paper work & being underpaid not to have some mad lady screaming at me just for nothing !

Why in hell should I , or anyone else on earth , know where the hell is doctor batee5 !

You might say , its lack of proper behavior & etiquette-ignorance people are living here , but please allow me to stop you there and scream in your face , NO IT IS NOT !

Its the mentality people started to embrace , once entering Prince Hamzeh Hospital . Its what the media tried to infest people's mind with . Its the chaos , the government , parliament & judicial system are allowing to happen !

This will soon be the state of all governmental hospitals , which for sure will be striking the private sector one day too .

Doctors & nurses in PHH are working under lots of stress now , they are really being afraid of getting in touch with any patient ....... Fear is good , we all know that , but trust me , not here ! Everyone is trying to get rid of his responsibilities by throwing it on another person once there is a chance to do so ! And that will do the patients no good ! But for sure it will save the doctors from being sued and thrown in jail - for about a month till now - for no real reason !

I am not saying not to penalize those who make mistakes , and slacke it at work , but that should be done in an organized way , there should be a complete view for the whole system from A to Z , starting from the Ministry of Health and ending with the patients !

Springle Mingle

2008-04-01T17:32:00.006+03:00

A Simple Case of Deadness

2008-03-27T21:40:00.005+02:00

Regarding the Hafnawi / Hefnawi / حفناوي case , seriously , I don't know what is happening here in Jordan , but unless there has been something still mysterious and hasn't been revealed yet , the whole story should ended long time ago !

Well , I have been personally interested in what happened recently at the emergency room of Prince Hamzeh Hospital " PHH " a couple of weeks ago . I tried to ask people who witnessed the whole event , and this is what I say when being asked about this whole story .......

Before the end of shift A at the emergency room , an old guy was brought in by the paramedics - Al Defa3 Al Madani - to the ER after falling down while he was walking on the streets and put on a bed , the doctor tried to get some information from him , but apparently the patient was disoriented , he took his phone and called his daughter to tell her that her father was found on ground and brought to PHH . The doctor asked for a skull X-ray , as any other doctor would deal with similar patients . The doctor carried on to examine the other patients at the ER . After a while , when he returned to check on Mr Hifnawi , he wasn't there !

At the ER of PHH there is 3-4 workers , who stay there to take patients who are critically ill whether on a wheel chair or by moving the whole bed to other departments according to what their conditions require !

Now , maybe at that time those workers were all away , so the patient was asked to wait , or the patient managed to get up and go to the radiology department by his own !

On the arrival of the patient's family , they were told that their father had been asked for an X-ray and didn't came back , before completing the management procedure , they and the doctor himself tried to look around the ER for the patient but they found nothing !

After 2 days the patient was found in the ER's radiology department dead !

According to a witness who saw the patient at the time of opening the room , the patient was found at the END of the ER's radiology department , behind a counter , with only his head being visible and a pool of blood beneath it , emphasizing that the X-ray request form was folded and found in his pocket !

This radiology department at the ER , has been never used before , it has been always closed , but at that day it was open for maintenance !

IN MY OPINION , and with all respect for the patient -peace be upon him - and the patient's family , this is a simple case of deadness , a guy who died on his way back from somewhere to somewhere else ! I don't think it would make any difference if he was on his way back from school to home or from the ER to the radiology department ............... Or how about to say , a patient who signed a discharge note on his own responsibility , or maybe a patient who went out of the hospital without telling his doctors and their approval .

In a situation like that in PHH which is dictated upon by the Ministry of Health , a doctor at the ER is not impelled to get patients to the radiology department or the lab , theoretically that is impossible !

Follows later ....

What is the truth behind this door

2008-03-19T08:09:00.004+02:00

The emergency radiology department door at Prince Hamzeh Hospital .
During my day at the hospital I pass there lots of times , but I never noticed it was there !

How did an old guy - Hafnawi / Hefnawi / حفناوي - get in there ?

What do you feel ?

2008-03-16T01:16:00.001+02:00

In Love : Blog About Jordan Day

2008-03-12T23:50:00.007+02:00

I really don't know what to write about , actually there are lots of thoughts rushing to my mind , bs I am sure , no matter what I write , it wont satisfy me !

But after all , I pick this special moment to share with you on this day . Its about a feeling I had three years ago , on my way back to Jordan at Istanbul airport , when we stood in a line to get into the airplane . After 5 weeks of homesickness at the States I was finally waiting in a line to get into my last transportation to Jordan , when I saw a Jordanian family standing in front of us , with the red shma5 , talking in a Jordanian accent , typical Jordanian kids playing around , the mother screaming after them ! I was numb with goose bumps all over , my heart started beating so fast , with that weird feeling as if it goes down and up , I just looked at my brother and had a very big smile !

It is one of the moments that proves to me , how much I am in love !

Tell me whats your ring tone , I will tell you who you are

2008-03-11T00:17:00.000+02:00

While sitting in the morning report , hearing yesterday's admissions , being lost in the middle of your thoughts about the diagnosis and whats missing ..... a mobile rings , eno yeah its 3adi , bs the variety of ring tones people use is really inexpressible ! Some are just too normal , some are classy , others are funny , & some are just too much inappropriate , in other words ..... 7afartali !

Ya3ni for god sake , being a doctor in a hospital , standing in the middle of a pond full of nervous patients , having your phone rings , o yetla3li Nancy wella Haifa batee5 !! Eno kteer heik ! Get a decent ring tone !

In my opinion , I believe there is a very strong relationship between your ring tone and the level of how 7afartali you are ! So be careful !

Whats on her mind ?

2008-03-10T12:34:00.002+02:00

2008-03-05T17:59:00.001+02:00

2008-03-03T23:52:00.002+02:00

I was just Kidding

2008-02-09T20:15:00.001+02:00

After a long discussion and argument about sensitive issues that was full of emotional storms , where it impels you to take certain actions and build some thoughts and behavior about it for later , the talk ends with " Hey , by the way ....... I was just kidding " followed with a stupid laugh !

Oh my god , I just cant describe how much zana5a you have , I cant imagine how concentrated your zana5a is , I cant imagine what the hell were you thinking about , I cant imagine how could that be funny !

Oh come on Dar , why are you making a big deal of it ? Where is your sense of humor , it was just a joke man , she was just kidding after all !

Snowman Terror

2008-02-02T01:55:00.000+02:00

Born on January 31 2008 at 4:30 PM
Died on January 31 2008 at 6:30 PM

After asking " why black olives not green ones " , Ma2moon , Mohammad , me , & everyone who passed by were all happy after placing the eyes and putting the final touches on Mr. Snowman , who even didn't get the chance to have a name .
After spending more than 3 hours of rubbing our hands to get our snowman done

Ma2moon , my little brother , said " After taking pictures with it , I am going to beat it up "
I replied " Ya weilak "

After going upstairs to have our " LATE " lunch - as usual - we looked through the window to check on our new buddy , we found the head was gone , we were robbed , our snowman's head was stolen ! Personally I was pissed off , but I said to myself " Its OK tomorrow we ll do another one " , but after less than 15 minutes we looked back to see the whole thing was destroyed !!

What can I say , stupid teenagers , who need their butt's to be kicked , crossed by and filthy minds couldn't stand the idea of having something nice in the neighborhood decided to destroy it . Why do some people have such mentality , why do they act like this , why they are so klab o 7aywanat , ***** , **** , ******* , ***** , & ****** . 5ara 3aleihom !

And for the records , the spikes are macaroni , NOT shok asfar !!!

Babbling again

2008-01-29T12:53:00.000+02:00

Well , I don't know where to start from , actually I am not in not a very good situation , NO i am not depressed neither mad ,angry , or whatever ..... I am fine I am doing fine , the problem is that what can I say .... Sometime you think you will get pretty relieved when opening up , and start thinking out loud with those people whom are the center of the whole issue , but the big disappointment comes when you figure out that you are still stuck in the same spot , but do u think it is that easy , ha .... the bigger letdown comes when you find out that things got worse , balash worse , lets say complicated .......... Stupid irony !

Yeah yeah , everything happens for a reason , I know all this bunch of crap , I admit it is so true , but damn it , when the formula says 1 + 1= 2 then it should equal 2 , it will be totally pissing you off if it says something other than 2 , although it might be of a great value for later , but still , it is not cool , especially when you want that thing so bad , you just cant see the magic of destiny playing its role , whatever ! And by the way , why it didn't start snowing yet !

I miss ME

2008-01-26T23:33:00.000+02:00

Well , I am a little bit ashamed of myself , eno ya3ni where the hell was I ? Why i haven't blogged since ages ? Why I never told anyone that I ll be away ? Why i stopped suddenly ? Tab balash , why it took me so long to come back ? Was there anything that kept me away ? What was that reason or yemken reasons that kept me away ? Was I sick ? Was I internet-less ? Was I busy ? Sho el gosa ?!

Be e5tesar , wallah i don't know where the hell was I , and to be honest with you , i am not promising u neither myself that I ll be back , the reason behind me writing all of this crap that i have talked to someone , a fellow blogger , who seems to be on my list for ages , and you can see spider web over their name ....... Long story short , me myself i have no answer for these Q , and I actually don't care , anyways what matters now is that i am writing , on an attempt to get back

Equaled Equation

2007-11-22T00:08:00.000+02:00

November twenty first , eleven forty five midnight , alone sitting in the dark , wind blowing outside , trees rubbing their leaves , cold looking through the window , quietness screaming all over the place , I almost can hear every single rain drop , Ma 3aleina .....

Some companies have certain policies for stabilizing the demand on their products or services at a certain level confined to a certain group of people , for preserving the continuous need and quality of what they are offering , by limiting the supply and controlling the price ! The well known rule of Supply & demand , whenever the demand increases the price goes up , and whenever the supply increases the price goes down ; is actually what I am referring to here ........ After all , these companies try to reach a state of equality between the supply and demand to attain the best results that will ends for its good anyways .

This rule applies perfectly on what I am trying to say here .

We humans , all have that desire - in varying degrees of course - to be the center of interest of those surrounding us , to be admired and respected , and always being liked to be talked to ........... Thus , one of the basic things the person should MASTER to satiate this desires is the Art of Supply & Demand rule .

Know how and when to offer yourself , always try to balance the two side of the equation , not to be so difficult to be got to , neither to be so cheap ......... Always try to be demanded for , don't offer yourself easily , make people feel how glorious talking to you is , let them put some effort to reach you , people never feel the joy of something easily got , deep inside they like most what they need to work for , even if they never admit it !

What needs to be said was said , but what is more important to remember , that this is only one part of an equation , that should be equalized !